“In a world more and more filled with breaking stories, shocking video, and viral outrage, it is becoming necessary to can’t even. In this way “I can’t even” is a philosophical expression: the economy of attention, emotion, and time has overloaded, and I assert my right to can’t. I would like to think that a 21st century Bartleby the Scrivener would trade in his politic but outdated “I would prefer not to” for the casual dismissiveness of “I can’t even.” “I can’t even” is an expression of negation, but a vague one; it answers the call of any situation, the call any media, with a “no comment,” while also refusing apathy and total disengagement. It is always relevant because we are always being asked to can even.”