This kind of makes me wonder…in NG+, since we already know everything that’s going to happen, what if the Chosen Undead decided to stop being a mute idiot and use this knowledge to talk some sense into everyone?
Gets the Estus Flask from Oscar Say…since you’re also undead, why don’t you take a sip of this to heal yourself instead of just die?! Hell, i’ll dump some of this down your throat right now so that you can help me!
Kirk has invaded! Oh hi there, yeah i’m also working to save the Fair Lady so we’re bros! Hey, mind reminding Quelagg that i’m coming to deliver some more humanity? Thanks, bro!
Approach Quelagg with Old Witch’s Ring to communicate Hello miss! Just another Chaos Servant coming to help your precious sister. Mind if i ring a bell and give some humanities without any needless bloodshed? Thanks!
Approach Ceaseless Discharge with Old Witch’s Ring Yo, just helped some of your lost sisters. Say, you know that you can just walk to that cliff over there and talk to them right? Oh yeah, mind if you pick me up and drop me off by that fog door? Thanks, chum!
Approach Priscilla in Ariamis Hi! You do realize that you’re literally the most coveted being in the surface world now, right? Everyone is now a zombie maniac, and no longer cares for your…er…origins. So why not come out with me to Firelink, meet some of my bros, and bestow some of that sweet LifeHunt power unto me while you’re at it? Hell, fluffy women with tails is the rage nowadays, you’ll fit just fine!
walks up to Quelanna Miss…you do know that two of your sisters and your brother are literally just a short walk into that cave, right? Say hi to them for fucks sake! I think they’d really love to see you again!
Approach Orny and Smough You guys do realize that i am perfectly aware that you two are guarding an illusion, right? Gwyndolin sent me to…uh…polish the Lordvessel. Yeah…by the way Ornstein, Smough is a prick.
secretly weakens every enemy near Siegmeyer to stage a scene Oh no! I need a brave onion knight to save me! Come help me and prove that you’re a successful, proud knight!
kicks Lautrec off the cliff…because he’s Lautrec
drops into Pinwheel’s room Whoa there! Calm down man, i don’t want to fight. Just passing through here, and there’s no need to interrupt your quest to separate your family from your body. We good? Thanks.
Goes to Sif SIF! My buddy! Say, remember how we fought Manus and i succeeded? Well there’s a much weaker threat now and i need that ring to kill it. Don’t worry, i wont end up like poor Artorias. Say, why don’t you come with me to ensure that nothing goes wrong? Alvina is already guarding the grave anyways.
goes back in time and meets Ciaran DO NOT DIE OF DESPAIR! I come form the future, and i know that you’ll end up moping at that grave until you lie down and die. How about this; WAIT, and hang out with Ornstein so that in the future you can help me! Hell, here’s a new purpose: keep Sif company and remind Ornstein that I’m the one who upheld Artorias’ honor so he wont gank me with Thunder Thighs in the future. Sounds like a good idea? You’re welcome!
Then, after beating Gywn, toss his old ass soul into the flame instead of burning yourself, and enjoy xxx years with Seigmeyer and Solaire as a jolly trio of traveling demon hunters with the fluffy Priscilla as the mascot that if anyone insults, they get a Zweihander and Lightning Spear to the face as punishment.